btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
