dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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