"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
