I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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