porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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