What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
