Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Randomize
