I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
honey bunches of taint.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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