i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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