Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
