Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
