He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
