in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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