What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
