Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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