I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
