U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
