Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
