The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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