when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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