What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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