How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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