OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
How's work?
Spinning.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
