he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
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and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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