Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize