my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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