The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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