You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
