The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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