Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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