Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
