Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
