Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
