You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
