Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
