dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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