hotel room ftw
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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