first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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