today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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