Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
thus making me awesome and them whores
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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