dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
