Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The struggles of a small town man whore
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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