she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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