I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
