If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
