One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
