I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
