he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
