there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
