WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
