I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
