he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
