how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
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He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
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I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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