So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i barfeds in our rink
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Randomize
