I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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