I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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