Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
