Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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