just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
