Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
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Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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