Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
