this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
