Life is so much better after having sex.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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