I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
