pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
