No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Drunk is not a location!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
