so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
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she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
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Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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