you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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