absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
