no, he came in my armpit
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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