I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
