Screwed.edu
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
