Your mouth is God's brothel.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
