Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
