Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
look no pants
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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