But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
