I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
