every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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